Top ten reasons Prairie Dogs are probably not real
One of the most popular Imaginary Creatures is Prairie Dogs. If you ever watch one of the old Documentaries on them, you find tons of reported sightings. After that, why do I thank they are not real? Because of these Ten Facts.
1.Lack of good evidence. The only real reports of Prairie Dogs we see come from random tourists. Probably most of this is hallucinations caused by lack of oxegen and too much helium. Park Ranger Bobby Hend made this statement: “If Prairie Dogs were real, we would have found them by now. Living underground is virtually impossible. For an animal to live in such tight spaces, they would have to be ants. Whenever it rained, the holes would fill with water and the “Prairie Dogs” would drown.”
2.The Means Film and Matt’s video. A lot of Prairie Dog sightings are totally set up. The Means Film was filmed by a family PURPOSELY TRYING to see Prairie Dogs. They drove through the area where most sightings are. They obviously set up the film. If someone was to convince me they would have to find a video of Prairie Dogs in an area where they could not survive. Matt’s video is less well known, but a lot of enthusiasts claim it as evidence. It is a video of a dog chasing a Prairie Dog. Obviously, this proves that prairie dogs don’t exist, because they would have gone extinct by now.
3.No sightings by Europeans before 1804. Obviously, if Prairie Dogs were real, someone besides Lewis and Clark would have seen them. Now, obviously, that means they were simply an Indian er-Native American Legend, like Thunderbird. Lewis and Clark probably saw penguins.
4.None of the sightings are proven. Of the 50 Billion sightings, only 57% were proven. This means the rest of the sightings were definitely made up by people trying to make money. Also all the sightings are from the US, Mexico, Canada, and Guatemala.
5.People make movies about them. They are just fictional creaures made by Hollywood to get kids to use their imaginations. For instance, The British Museum’s documentary Animals of the Order Rodentia.
6.Misidentification is widespread. Very few videos have been looked over by qualified professionals. This means that a lot of videos are actually of other animals. For instance Mice, Squirrels, Flops, and Doves. This photograph of a platypus, for instance, was originally shown as Prairie Proof.
7.No fossils. If Prairy Dogs were reall, we would find fossils of them buried above ground. The reason? Well, since land anials fossils are under ground, underland fossils would be above ground! The fossil record proves that Prairie Dogs never existed. Just like it proves that mice went extinct hundreds of years ago. Mice fossils are buried in the section where fossils hundreds of years oldare. How do we know the fossils there are hundreds of years old? Because mice fossils are there, and mice went extinct hundreds of years ago.
8.Not enough room. These animals would require too much room. If Prairie Dogs were real, they would have too begin bilding above ground. It would be too hot down beneath.
9.All videos are blurry. It’s like these people are using kindle fires or something.
10.The simplest explanation is the better explanation. It makes more sense to believe that all these people were just halloosinateing than to try to explain for all these sightings.
Well, that‘s why I don’t believe in Prairie Dogs.
BY RUDE FLATMAN
Comments
Gamer32@galapagos wrote: Best article I’ve ever read! I’m glad someone else in this world has more sense that to believe all those nuts.
Believe Ashoombabadoombop wrote: You have got to be kidding. That was horrible! There is NO WAY prairie dogs are made up dude. After reading your article I believed even more.
Rude Flatman wrote:
“You have got to be kidding. That was horrible! There is NO WAY prairie dogs are made up dude. After reading your article I believed even more”
Actually, thank you for that comment! You are just the type of nut I needed to demonstrate my point!
(and then it got nasty)
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Well, folks! This officially begins Prairie Dog Week! We are gonna have stories and articles about prairie dogs ALL WEEK. Here we start with some pictures…
Most of us when we think of the word Fairy imagine a little Tinkerbell. Then there is the word elf. Well those are tall archers. Spirits, or Sprites, are some sort of vague nature nymph thing associated with the elements. Well today It’s time to break down the word Fairy.
FAIRY ORIGINS
Of course at the very basis a fairy is the unknown. The notion is found in many cultures, think of trolls, dwarfs, oni, brownies, yehasuri, and Santa. These are the names given to the beings. Naturally as time went on traditions evolved about the creature, like them leaving Changelings, certain things you can do to pacify them, and specific names. The idea is actually similar to the idea of a ghost, and a lot of creatures we call fey were supposed to be undead spirits!
A lot of these rituals and traditions became their own things, like the Cat superstitions being separated from Cat Sith, wishing well stuff being separated from Water Nymphs, etc. Even nowadays we have our own fairies. Men In Black. Aliens. Shadow Men. Koinkadink? I don’t think so!
Usually each culture developed their own legends about the creatures, what we call Folk and Fairy Tales. (BTW how come Disney turns all the Fairy Tales into Princess Stories? Cinderella originally murdered her first stepmother, Snow White kills the Evil Queen by making her dance in red hot shoes until she dies, and Ariel originally is dumped by the prince and throws herself into the sea where she dissolves. The legends were then influenced by the religion, and since these traditions often influenced surrounding cultures many different countries have the same pantheons, but slightly different. So when everyone converted to Christianity the ideas of fairies converted too.
Leprecauns became angels who were on neither side in the “WAR IN HEAVEN”, Dragons became demons, unicorns became a symbol of Jesus, well, everything became a symbol of Jesus, and really Christianity got kind of messed up. Everyone believed in mythical creatures for a while, but they were sort of symbols. Then during the Elizabethan era and the renaissance they became the sort of magic wand waving little pixies they are today. Then Disney solidified it by sissifying fairy tales.
ELFS DWARVES AND TROLLS
Norse, Saxon, and Germanic mythologies were in one of those influencing cycles I talked about. Some of the most famous creatures come from this mix, famous because they spread across the landscape so much. If you ask anyone about one of these they will probably have some idea of what they are. Also, these are the three most clichéd races in all time, space and matter.
Of course, especially for elves and trolls, these ideas will vary quite a lot. Elves can be spirits, dancing in mushroom rings out in the forest, bow and arrow shooting people, or child stealing demons. Tolkien sort of mixed them together with wood and high elves, tall, (except for gnomes) noble, (except for wood elves) magic and bow wielding cool blondes.
Trolls can be really anything. There of course are little cutesy troll dolls, or ma-has, there are big strong creatures who’s weakness is they turn to stone at morn (or are they scared of lightning? Or fire? Or acid?), they can be these weird box people, they can be clever riddle tellers, or dumb but strong slaves of greenskins, they can be good or bad, they can be internet meanies, they can be tomte, they can be wilderness dwellers who capture princesses, etc. etc. Why? Because whenever people were telling each other fairy tales and transcribing legends they came across a lot of strange creatures they had never heard of. The solution? Call them all trolls.
Probably the most worthy of being called Troll is those bridge guys. Not dumb, clever. Tricky.
Those big slave guys that push carts and are “Nott to Brite” could probably be substituted for any number of creatures. Ogres. Giants. Atlas. Titans. Bugbears. Grendels, Cyclopes, Evil/ Enslaved Ents. Ma-whos. etc.
As for those little cute spiky haired guys, they can be called mahas. They give candy. They really fit in more with the Cute pantheon then the Big Brute, BFG, Nott to Brite kind of guys.
cutesy bootsy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!the power of 3buddiesdonald trump is a mahatwo headedbald dude how coolTrolls galoreLaalaalander
Bridge dwellers are the best because they really embody all the classic troll characteristics. Big, but clever. Flesh eating. They maybe hide under bridges to protect themselves from the sun and from acid and from lighting. You see?
So what were these creatures like originally?
Elves. Well really they were sort of synonymous with fairies. All the legends about fairies that came across the borders joined up with these ‘alfs’. They left Changelings, they danced in the woods, they messed around with your house.* There were two types, light elves and dark elves. Light elves were sort of like gnomes, they tended flowers and sang songs. Tiny little guys. There is confusion about whether dark elves and dwarves are the same. A lot of people think they are the same because of the Nine worlds. In Scandinavian mythology the whole cosmology of the universe revolves around the great tree Yggdrasil. It will probably be better to show a picture than try to explain it, so here it is.
As you can see there are nine “heims”, homes. These are all worlds. Eight of these we know for sure: Asgard land of the Ayseer (the main gods, like Thor, Odin, and technically Loki) and honored dead, Vanaheim land of the lesser gods**, Alfheim home of the light elves, Muspelheim land of fire and lava (maybe Balrogs), Nilfheim land of Ice and Stench, Jotunheimr land of the giants ( and the vulture heads, jotuns, cyclopes, and Titaen), Midgard land of men, and lastly Helheim land of the dishonored dead. The ninth is unknown. It is usually thought to be Svartlheimr the land of the dwarves but also sometimes it is referenced as Ljosfalheimr land of dark elves. Why not just say there are ten worlds? Because in all the stories whether they say Ljos or Svart there are nine worlds. Some people say that Alvheim and Ljosfalheimr are the same, but this is incorrect because the Dark elves and the Dwarves live in the same place. Thus, I conclude Ljosfalheimr and Svartlheimr are two counties in the same world. Disagree? Comment, I would love to become better informed.
Anyone who understood that whole thing is smarter than I am.
*Technically these were Nisse, but similar.
**Like Gaia and Uranus, these were older gods that were adopted into the newer religion for tradition’s sake.
So that’s it for elves, and since I ended up going into Dwarves a lot too I won’t talk about them too long. They are actually evil spirits. They are mountain folk, but they aren’t as specific and stereotyped as Tolkien copycat-sith would have us believe. Hey guys you should really have read The cultural influence authority part two before you read this.1
HOUSE FEY
All throughout history there have been instances of fairies taking care of people’s houses. From The Peddler’s Friends to Dobby. This is because the deep primal human instinct to excuse oneself from doing work. Many creatures give example to this. Nisse, as mentioned above, are basically house dwarves. They look like this.
Tomte are house trolls.
And Brownies are sort of house elves.
Of course, when you really get down to it these are all sort of interchangeable. At one point every type of fey has gotten chance at working in a house. Whether making shoes for an old lady, like Leprechauns, Making shoes, like brownies, turning puppets into people, like fairies. Also to tell you the truth quite a lot they get the chance to be mischievous.
Gremlins are the solidified version of this. Whereas most creatures are OK sometimes, these guys are always mischievous. They’re actually more modern guys, you know. They were a superstition during World War two and were popularized by Roald Dhal and by posters. They are similar to Imps, but with a more modern airplane jinx side. Lares and other household gods are a similar concept to house fey but less mischievous and subjected.
Tomte are sometimes called Nisse, but in modern fantasy they are more like trolls than dwarfs. Hobs are related to Bugs, but where as all Bug creatures are in the wild, hobs are in the house doing house work. Thus, hobgoblins are more civilized than regular goblins. Some examples of Hob creatures are: Hob, Hobgoblin, Hobhoulards, Hob-thrusts, Hobby lanthorns, Hob thrushes, Hob and Lanthorns, Hob-headlesses, and Hobbits.
The Domovoi are a good example of this. These fuzzy Lorax looking guys are very protective. They hide behind corners and sometimes disguise as dogs. (fantasy writers, take note! This guy is a great way to be unique in your Creaturepedia!)
Also the Heinzelmachenn are interesting because they get into the vengeful side of this. Unlike house elves who are bound to their house unless given a sock, these guys left when some lady got a little too curious and tried to trap them. Other examples of vengeful fairies are the Boggart, a house elf who was mistreated and started trying to poke their masters with pins.
In modern fantasy Fairies in your house are often Magical Buildup, a phenomenon that occurs in deserted corners of houses. You see, magical winds are floating all over the world, and in places like that, magical dust builds up and spawns a regular little fairie community. When it’s dark energy the buildup becomes Gremlins.
This led to the idea, Hey, maybe some places in your house are magical portholes! Like this Wardrobe or this strange and numerous collection of cupboards! But that’s another story.
NYMPHS AND NATURE ELEMENTALS
Now we come to one of my favorite subjects, Gnomes! This may not seem like a very good intro to Beautiful Nymphs and Elementals, but here goes.
Alchemy is real. A lot of people think it’s made up, but they are wrong. Alchemy is the study of elements, and transforming them. One of their main goals is to discover how to turn lesser materials into Gold. Probably a lot of Wizards, like Merlin, were Alchemists.
They also were into classifying spirits, and these were their four basic Alchemical Elementals: Earth Element was the Gnome, Water Element was the Undine, Air was the Sylph, and Fire was the Salamander. Everyone nowadays, especially people trying to do Asian style fantasy, used this idea. Sometimes adding other elements, but basically this. Gnomes are sometimes substituted for Golems, Undines are sometimes substituted for Mermaids, Sylphs are sometimes called Sylpheeds, and Salamanders are often replaced with Ifreets (AKA Balrogs)*.
Wow, those gnomes are pretty different, aren’t they? What happened that made them into Garden Décor? Well, what happened is the original Gnome thing of being a Earth Elemental and a Miner type guy got totally stolen by Dwarfs. So, they got thrown in with Fairies and Scandinavian Elves. Of course, there are also Zombie Gnomes.
The other really big influence for modern elementals is the Greek and Roman mythologies. Nyads and Dryads! Also Oreads, but no one cares about them. Nyads are water spirits, Dryads are Dry tree spirits, and, well, Aurae are wind, Nephele are clouds, Hamadryads are tree spirits that are the tree, as opposed to haunting the tree like Dryads, Nereids and Oceanids are the ocean, Lampades are underworld Nymphs, and Muses are nymphs of the art, specifically poetry. Elemental Embodiments are really the Ultimate Nymphs, but they are Tough and Mean. They come from a couple places, and are kind of like in those movies where like the doll or the vacuum cleaner come and attack people, except with nature. Kind of like Gaia’s Vengence, or Ents.
The common ones are Fire, Air, Water, and Earth; but often with some others like Ice or Wood thrown in. Then things get crazy. People start adding in stuff like Darkness Elemental, Evil Elemental, Lightning Elemental, Illusion, Decay, Poison, Plasma, or Time. It gets kind of ridiculous.
Ninjago is a good example. You know Ninjago, the LEGO attempt at making a Ninja thing? It started off pretty cool, they had a good idea. They fought the skeletons and stuff. Then they made the snakes. It was still cool. Then came Nindroids and Ghost and those Rock Guys. My point is, each Ninja is an element. Jay is Wind and Lightning, Zane is ice, Kai is Fire, and Cole is rock. Then they started getting more suit upgrades.
They had dragons to go along with them, and then Sensei Wu got a White Dragon, and then the Green Ninja took the four original guys’ dragons and combined them into one guy. Poor guys!
Well, folks, that’s all for this week! Coming up soon is Prairie Dog week, so keep a lookout for that!! Also here’s a couple Stories for the week by Lou and Hiram: The Girl in the Clockworks
*Ifrits and Balrogs are actually different, and also no one believes Balrogs are real.
1 Up in Norse-ville, way back as far as they kept any records, one day the Ice Age hit. It was already very cold!
“Good Grief,” said The High Elf, “My feet are so cold and my toes are Thor!”
So, he sent out several groups of elves. They were sent out to many lands and in all directions looking for anything warmer.
Some went to Germany and England, but it was still under snow and ice. Some stayed, others returned. Same with Russia and Greenland, They survived by tunneling. That’s how all that stuff with dwarf vs elf got going actually.
One group made it past the frozen Straits of Gibraltar and on the other side saw some green grass.
They kept traveling until they got the Nile and took a boat even further south. They were surprised that the boatman was dark skinned. Never saw that kind of thing before. Anyway, they settled in the Congo and eventually their skin darkened as a way to protect them from sunburn.
Later, much later, they were captured and forced to help built the pyramids. But they managed to escape and return North.
The Egyptians found some other slaves to replace them and you know that story.
The End
Before they escaped, they painted graffiti all inside the pyramids.
Archeologists call in Hyro________ics. Shows how little THEY know.
You know those zombies? Well, apparently in the north there is the same virus!
Except there, it possesses animals. They aren’t dangerous, but they sure are funny! Evidently they keep trying to do the stuff they do in life. My grandpa lives there and he said he saw them trying in vain to get up on top of the birdfeeder.
By the way, the virus wears off after a couple of days, so don’t worry.
Zombie Squirrels
of course all the cartoonists too advantage of the situation
Hey guys this is something I found on the News, and since this is Imaginary Creature Authority, I figured it would match.
Zombies are loose in South Carolina! According to multiple reports, there is a virus going around that makes people it infests act Brainless. Of course, it is not really an apocalypse, but you should stay inside as these things do attack. On the road already? Keep going. If they see a stopped car they surround it.
“This is a rare virus, but I’ve heard of such a thing before. In Hatti, they call them Dead Walkers. It happens when there is a big storm and too much air condenses.”
The governor urges everyone to stay inside, and stay safe.
I don’t know if that’s anything to worry about, but it was interesting to think about where the legends come from.
Hello everybody! I haven’t posted for a while, but there’s plenty of new stuff in terms of stories all the time, so whenever you get bored waiting just visit there! So, this post is going to cover all the rest of the influences, mainly focusing on Norse but also talking a little bit about others. I realize this is a different type of series than I usually do, but don’t worry I have more mythical creature ideas planned which I think you’ll like.Also, sorry if I harp on about Tolkien.
TOLKIEN
Although Norse mythology was in culture a little bit, it was mainly filtered by the Fairy Tale and by Germanic ideas. Germany and England were Christianized far before Scandinavia, which in part is a good thing as it helped their culture develop from Barbarian raiders into a stable culture, but it quenched part of their culture, the Oral legends part.
Tolkien helped bring it back to its glory. When he started The Hobbit he was probably just entertaining his kids, but about by the time the Dwarves get to Rivendell he had connected it to his Silmarillion ideas (the Silmarillion was not finished before Tolkien’s death and was published posthumously.) and also to his made up languages. Later, when asked for a sequel, he already had an idea. He knew that the connecting factor between the two books (LOTR was originally intended to be one Massive book) would be the ring, but he didn’t know how.
The writing of the Lord of the Rings was off to a rough start, with Tolkien drafting his ideas over and over again and always changing his ideas. This actually helped give Lord of the Rings the unique feel it is known for. Hobbit and Lord of the Rings are written in two different styles. Hobbit is much more homely feeling, and references British Culture at the time as if the two worlds were not so far apart. In LOTR, Arda feels a lot bigger. Tolkien once tried rewriting Hobbit in LOTR style, but abandoned the project because it just wasn’t the Hobbit.
Well, when the books were published the world of fantasy changed. Games like Dungeons and Dragons started using the creatures and ideas, although because of copyright they had to change the names of several creatures, like calling Hobbits Halflings, Balrogs Balror Demons, etc. Now elves, dwarves, wizards, and orks are quite a trope of fantasy. In fact, too much of a trope. Almost every fantasy author must either work against Tolkien or basically copy him. They have to live in his shadow.
Anyway, Tolkien is a big factor on the influence of Scandinavian mythology on culture.
COMICS AND FANTASY ROLEPLAYING GAMES
Marvel is the most well-known comic company for including mythology so I’ll talk about it first.
The entire pantheon and several types of creatures are included in the franchise, and Thor + Loki are very main characters, especially in the Movies. Of course, Thor is one of the Avengers and the son of Odin, and Loki is his evil adopted bro. In the comics there is the Norse Cosmology, as in the whole Yggdrasil thing with Alfheim, Nilfheim, Jotunheim, etc. (In this Asgard, Vanaheim, Nidavellir, and Alfheim). All these realms are located in a pocket universe. Besides those named above there exist other realms directly connected to Asgard, such as Midgard*, Jotunheim, home of giants, Svartalfheim, home of Dark Elves, Hel, land of the dead, Nilfheim, the dishonored dead, and Muspelheim, fire demon world. To get to Asgard one must cross Bifrost the rainbow bridge. At some point in the comics Asgard is remade floating over Oklahoma.
*Earth
Sandman and Lucifer, both DC comics, Valhalla, from Carlsen Comics, and Thorgal, published in Tintin magazine. All those include elements and/or characters from Norse myths. Brat-halla and Order of the Stick are both webcomics, Brat-halla is about the gods as babies and Order of the Stick satirizes Fantasy Role Playing games. Vinland Saga and Attack on Titan are manga.
Another really big step, and this plays off Tolkien again, is Fantasy Roleplaying Games. I mentioned this already in the first section but I’m going to really go into it now. Here we go.
It all really started with Dungeons and Dragons, usually shortened on the internet as D&D. You play as a party of adventurers and basically you have a Dungeon Master who is the referee and oversees making you follow the rules and giving the storyline. The other players decide how their characters react as they go along and meet monsters etc. There are three rulebooks, Player’s Handbook, with rules the players have to follow, Dungeon Master’s Guide, with all the rules, and The Monster Manual, which gives stats for the monsters you must defeat.
Some of the more unique creatures include:
Beholders, a flying eyeball guy who enslaves cities and sends out agents from its secret lair, usually a high ceilinged cave.
Mind Flayers, creatures who once ruled countless worlds and bred slaves, now they reside deep in the Underdark.
Githyanki, once slaves of the Mind Flayers, now are psychic pirates traveling sometimes on dragonback under the rule of their lich-queen.
Owlbears are feared creatures, they roam the wild looking for a fight. Some think they were created by a mad wizard, but fey say they always existed in the fey wild.
That dude is so awesome
Umber hulks, juggernauts from the deep. Sometimes caves, sometimes dungeons, and sometimes the Underdark. They dig relentlessly, crashing through tunnels, causing collapses, and crushing adventurers.
Kuo-Toa are evil fish-folk who were once enslaved by the Mind Flayers. The humans pushed them deep underground, where they adapted to the dark and now hate the light. They hunt drow, troglodytes, and mind flayers (AKA illithids).
Dragonborn, a humanoid race that took on draconic features as devotion to Bahamut the dragon god. In another edition they are actually descended from Io, another dragon god. Also of course there’s dwarves, which are a lot like dwarves in Tolkien. The game helped develop the stereotype of Dwarves hating Elves, regarding them as prideful and stuck-up. Also, there is a whole debate about whether female dwarves have beards. Tolkien had that they did, and this is why Dwarves are going extinct. The game’s official position is No, they don’t grow beards, but several novelists go with Tolkien, who after all inspired lots of the other stuff in the game. It varies in different campaign settings, sometimes they grow beards but shave them, sometimes not at all, sometimes they grow them proudly.
Then there’s Eladrin, part of the Planescape ideas. They are fey, related to elves and come in several types: Coure, Spritelike messengers and scouts. Bralani, wild catlike shapeshifters. Firre, red haired guardians of art and artists. Ghaele, powerful warriors who love killing Dragons, Fiends, and Undead. Noviere, an aquatic eladrin on Ossa. Shiere, noble nights protecting Arborea. Shirandi, battlers for freedom. Tulani, ancient Faerie Lords.
Of course, then we have elves. Humanoids with skill at the bow and sword. Known for grace and magical skill, there are several sub races such as Drow, Grey Elves, aquatic elves, etc. They are descended from Elardrin.
Then there are… Gnomes!! Similar to Dwarves, more magical though. Some speculate the two races are related. They are liked by all the neighboring races because of their curiosity and skill.
Half Elves are mixed between humans and elves. They look like humans to elves and like elves to humans! They are actually pretty cool and blend the skills of both races. Half Orcs are similar, but of course they are portrayed as evil and chaotic and often join orc societies, sometimes seen in the battle formations.
Then Halflings, which of course is what they have to call Hobbits. Similar to in Tolkien, they are homely folk who don’t usually like adventures. However, they adjusted the personality to be less Tolkienesque and have more spirit of adventure.
Humans as a fantasy race have a bad reputation of being really boring. But actually D&D does a pretty good job with them. In the planetouched setting, aasimar are humans from the other Planes with blood of good spirits. Genasi are humans with elemental blood and Tieflings are humans with fiendish blood. Besides Planescape there are also the Vashar, basically the human equivalent of Drow. In the regular world of Dungeons and Dragons, humans are good at being more diverse then other races. They can choose their class, and they can have multiple skills. Like gnomes, they are curious creatures.
Tieflings, those half Fiends, are also a Core Player Race.
It’s time to move on to Warhammer.
Warhammer I am mostly going to talk about the Greenskins. By the way, Like Dungeons, Warhammer is not just the game. There are also books and other types of games.
Greenskins are not just one race, but a lot of related races that work together in barbaric wars with other races, primarily dwarves. They seem to be otherworldly, maybe they were accidentally placed here by the Old Ones. Anyhow, they began destroying everything in their path, wiping out the human’s kingdoms and almost wiping out the dwarves’. They helped make the Warhammer world into the post-apocalyptic dark world it is. The Greenskins are basically mold and fungi that grew into humanoids. They pop out of the ground under little dead mushrooms.
The three main species are Orcs, Squigs, and Goblins. Within these there are many sub-species. The Orc subspecies are common orc, which always fight among each other because they are not very smart. They are really big but they have very bad posture so they are… well… still really big. Then Savage orcs are animal like and have almost no brain. However they are very scary and wear tribal tattoos all over their bodies. Black Orcs were created by Chaos Dwarves as slaves and are more organized then other species of orcs. They are bigger then common orcs and also meaner, so they have easily made a place for themselves in orc society.
Goblins are the crafters and builders of Greenskin society. They are smarter than Orcs, but weaker and smaller. They fight in large numbers and usually do all the work for the big Orcs. And in return the Orcs protect them. Forest Goblins are the goblin equivalent of Savage Orcs. They often wear tribal masks with feathers and paint on them, especially the Priests. The Priests, or Shamans, worship not only Gork and Mork but also the Giant Spiders native to the woods.
Another group, Night Goblins, live deep underground and hate light. It burns their skin (this is in Tolkien a trait of all Orc-ish species). They wear black clothes to try to cover their skin. To give themselves energy, some Night Goblins drink from Mad Cap Mushroom brew, which turns them into Night Goblin Fanatics, wildly swinging their chain and crushing their enemies. Most often they are seen in night raids.
Gnoblar are these little goblin guys with big noses and bluish skin. They are slaves of the Ogres and are used for many purposes, carrying shields, good luck charms, helping butchers, being lookouts, fighting (for treasure), trapping animals, raiding caravans, making scalps, and even helping their Ogre masters remember their own names! Snotlings are little green fellows who have too much energy and too little brain. They are like crazy puppies, and the other greenskins like to train them as such, having them fetch weapons and do silly tricks. The goblins don’t really like them. In fact they hate them. The little squeaky snotties always enjoy pointing out the guilty goblin and love showing their masters murder scenes and tents with stolen goods. A goblin can’t sneak around without a bunch of snotlings wanting to tag along. The little brutes, when challenged, just run between the legs of their master squealing “He twied too eet meeeeeeeeee!!!!”
Well. If Snotlings are the littlest, Hobgoblins are the evilest. They live among the Chaos Dwarves or by themselves in the Eastern Steppes because even the other Greenskins hate them. They are tall and slim, some are as big as the orcs! They switch sides at the slightest turn of events and they will kill anyone for profit, even their family. Their main method of fighting is horseback when fighting, which they do quite often. Sometimes they fight each other, mostly they fight the empire of Cathay. The fields where live are stained red from the constant battles that slash across them. Basically they are completely untrustworthy (stabbing their best friend in the back) field warriors who will always be a threat to the world of Men and pretty much everyone else.
Squigs (AKA squiggly beasts) are very simple greenskins. They bounce around randomly until they find something edible, then they eat it, then they bounce around randomly again. The most common type is cave squigs, which are used by Night Goblins as food, war machines, and pets. Sometimes particularly large Cave Squigs appear, and they are called Great Cave Squigs. They are very rare though, so they are much prized by goblins. Extremely hard to tame, but once they are they are extremely useful and intimidating, so goblin warbosses would give much to own one as his personal steed. This is going to sound insane, but sometimes they grow even huger and are classified as colossal squigs.
So rare, they are legendary and they grow to the size of an Imperial Warship. Living deep in the Grey mountains, only the most legendary Night Goblin warbosses have been able to lure one towards the enemy, let alone train one. Also there are Squig gobbas, which shoot stinking (what is a substitute word for noxious, editor?) liquids at the enemy, horned squigs which have a horn (surprise surprise!), Gas Squigs that crush through enemies by spraying gas at them, and the Spiked Squig.
Norse mythology has many influences all over culture, from Tolkienesque fantasy, to fairy tales such as Snow White, to Viking movies where they say stuff like Thor preserve us, and even to Harry Potter.
QUETZACOATL, MOGWAI, BANSHEES, ARAWN, AND SITH
Of course, Norse mythology isn’t the only mythology influencing culture. Many mythologies aaaaaall over the world can be spotted if you keep your eyes open.
You have probably heard of mogwai and banshees, maybe you have heard of Arawn or Quetzacoatl, and you think you have heard of sith. Sith are actually cat fey, not, not, just, no. There aren’t Lightsaber wielding force sensitive aliens in mythology. Mogwai you know from the Gremlins movie, right? They turn into gremlins when they get wet or eat after midnight and are a lot less cute when that happens. Banshees are those ghosty guys who wail when someone’s going to die. Arawn is most commonly known from The Chronicles of Prydain, where he is the big scary bad guy. Quetzacoatl is the Aztec feathered serpent, a creation god. So, where do all these come from? Mythology!
Banshee are almost a ghostly equivalent of Sirens. Their voices warn of death traditionally, like Knockers and Shades. But nowadays they are often using their voices to mind control. Also they can kill with their scream. So what are banshees? Alien species? Husks? Undead? Unicorns? Supervillains?
Well, in the traditional Irish mythology they are really not evil. They aren’t threatening and their mourning doesn’t cause death, only mourns it. When they appear they have the appearance of a fairy, not a zombie. They are only a sad omen.
Cat Sith are faerie creatures. Because of all the black cat superstitions and nine lives stuff, they are sometimes a witch that becomes a cat nine times. They are black with a white spot, and are not to be trusted. Unless you leave milk out for it. If they pass over a dead body before it’s soul is taken by the angels, it steals the soul. Once a man saw nine cats carrying a coffin, probably Cat Sith. They told the man to tell Tom that Tim is dead. Well, Tom was the man’s pet cat, but he told Old Tom anyway. When the cat heard this he exclaimed, “What?🙀 Old Tim dead! Then I’m the king of the Cats!” and ran up the Chimney to go to his Kingdom.
The dog version is the Cu Sith and the Ao Sith are mound fey.
Cat Sith and references to them have appeared in numerous literature, but other then that even, next time you see a joke about a cat’s nine lives or a Black Cat on Halloween, think of the Cat Sith.
Arawn was the king of the realm Annwn in Welsh mythology. He is more commonly known as the character in The Chronicles of Prydain. He is used in many other games and books as a character also though, sometimes evil, sometimes good.
Quetzalcoatl, or maybe a better way to spell it Kwetsulkuwatul, is an Aztec and Toltec deity. He is god of, wind, wisdom, and water. He is usually represented as a Feathered Serpent, sometimes a Spider Monkey, sometimes the wind, and awesomely sometimes a duck.
Quetzalquatl appears all over the place, in Star Trek, in Jackie Chan, in Godzilla, and even in DnD. But also there is also Feathered Snake references all over, so that too is influenced by good ol’ Quetzl Pretzl
Now what about Mogwai? Well, there were so many creatures from Chinese Folklore that influenced Culture it was hard to choose. However I chose Mogwai, mainly because of Papa Gremlin, and also because I got a Mogwai Pop for Christmas. So Mogwai are these Demons. Got it. They reproduce during rainy seasons (Or in swimming pools), got it. But where did them turning into Gremlins come from!? Well, as it goes when translating legends, the idea sort of morphed with fairy and spirit creatures, and in Chinese Bibles, Satan is sometimes translated Mogwai, and Satan and his demons are similar, and imps are kind of like fairies, and Gremlins are sort of both.
Besides The Gremlins, Mogwai also are in Warcraft, where they Mogwaiize stone statues. Technically these are Mogu, but same root. Leaving China, I’ll leave a pic that you might recognize influenced by this Folklore.
At Imaginary Creature Authority, we have Family Spirit. So since today is Hiram’s Birthday, we are celebrating his unique storytelling skills. Hiram first started writing on ICA with The Tickly Tickly, but he has been helping since the beginning.
So you might want to leave a comment whishing him a happy ninth birthday and tenth year (work out the math yourself, when you are born you are in your first year but zero years old so on and on…). Here are links to all his stories:
Gamer32@galapagos wrote: Best article I’ve ever read! I’m glad someone else in this world has more sense that to believe all those nuts.
Believe Ashoombabadoombop wrote: You have got to be kidding. That was horrible! There is NO WAY prairie dogs are made up dude. After reading your article I believed even more.
Rude Flatman wrote:
Someone is about to be piiiiinched! May this be a warning to you, wear green or else.
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